100% Amirul

Another year went past my own self, turned 16 yesterday.

I knew that the move to stop watching "My Super Sweet 16" on MTV was a good thing to do.. How i’d wish to get a Ferrari for my birthday, that would’ve been so cool!

To all of you who remembered, i sincerely offer my thanks.
Means alot to me, made me feel significant and, it feels great to know that i have a small place in all of your hearts =)

And… to all of you who ‘remembered’, Thanks alot.

Anyway… after much thinking and ’soul searching’ , yeah, i have believed that i Did change for the better.
Sometimes it made me sit down and think back,
"why didnt i think of that last year?"
"why havent i done so last time?!"
"mann.. i just lost something soo precious, but the key to it was right infront of my face!! Why didnt i see that?!!"

I have to admit, last year was such a blast.
And im damn proud of the achievements i got , the things that i did, the people i met, the injuries i received, every single moment of last year.

Hmm, the first half of 2007. It was mostly occupied by soul-searching i guess… Its time to just, relax, sit down and have a nice cup of coffee while you’re trying to figure out the unsolved questions of last year. And, i actually did.

"Nothing interests me more other than people"
-Yasmin Ahmad, a Malaysian movie-director.

I personally feel the same too. This year involved alot of ‘people-watching’. No, not the ‘cuci mata’ one, but more of observing people’s behaviours. Indirectly, im having my own ’sociology class’ in my everyday life!
The ‘protocol ruling’ , the ‘areas of KL’ , the ’sacrifice method’ , ‘I.N.A.G’ and so much more.. I promise you all that im going to write a book someday on all of my findings.

But oh well, theres always a price to pay for such discoveries i guess.

Afew people i know have already produced a feeling of hate // disgust // irritation // dislike  when they think of me.
Well, then, im not going to change my own character for the sake of others, thats one thing for sure.
Its like, my world revolves around me, not others, and i should be myself rather than whats expected of me, right?
Hold on to my own principles, yeah.
Its still kinda funny, that they dont want to tell it right to my face, and pretend that it doesnt exist, but its like, the aura is glowing and blatantly obvious.

Oh well, its what my grandma calls ‘lumrah hidup’ .. You win some, you lose some, ups and downs.
Cant please ‘em all now, can you..

If its one thing i’ve learnt this year, one of the sayings or so that affected me alot , was from this old man who told me
"Son, there are 5 things that can bring the downfall of a man.."

#05 - Technology
#04 - Multi-tasking
#03 - Power & Positions
#02 - Money
#01 - Girls

Yeap.
Listed down from lowest protocol to the highest protocol number.
These things bring the downfall of a man, but yet again, as men, we cant live without these 5.

Solved Problems :-
#05 - well, i have successfully gotten rid of my addiction for games and downloading , uh, videos…
#03 - ive got more than enough positions and power already i guess..
#02 - Nowadays, all i need is just RM2 and i can survive the whole day. Adam, you ruined my financial status. I used to be loaded well-off, but then, i got infected by your…uh… Broke-ness.
Financial broker, stock broker. Hah, perfect job for you man.

Unsolved Problems :-
#04 - Argh, im plagued with work from different sources! Its a never ending list of things to do…!
#01 - Well, you cant live with ‘em, cant live without ‘em i guess?!

Haih, lots more compressed in this noodle of mine, but dont exactly have all the time in the world to type it out in here i guess..
Im talking as if a whole new year has just started for me.
Well, it certainly has i guess.

As precious human beings, we have our own protection.
The armour that surrounds us.

The one that covers our true intentions, feelings, thoughts, desire, lust, our emotions.
That shell that keeps it all intact and unknown to others, keeping it safe only between the person and God Himself to know.

I have no absolute idea on how to explain it in even more detail. But im very sure that you’d understand, once you’re in that certain situation.

****

One of the most challenging task God has bestowed upon us, is to break this armour of another. That significant other which has that one-of-a-kind ability that impacted us so greatly, that our own shell is destroyed in a blink of an eye, literally.

You are shocked, you are dumbfounded, flabbergasted..
How did this ‘very challenging task bestowed upon us’ was somewhat executed effortlessly from that significant other.. penetrating your armour, and injecting a concoction of unknown spellbinding properties, a poison, a spell upon yourself.

Your speech becomes distorted, your thoughts became a blur, your vision becomes clouded, your system that used to support your life and maintaining it to that optimum level with everything you have, goes haywire. Everything is chaotic, one minute you’re happy, and the other minute you’re depressed. Your peaceful state of mind has been taken over by a force out of your control.

For days, weeks or maybe even months, you gather your courage and strength to regain control of your mind and ignore this ‘intrusion’. But, it is an inevitable fact that it is impossible to deny this new feeling of its presence in your own emotions, or should i just say your mind, body and soul.

This ‘intrusion’ of your own armour, that left scars and marks everywhere in your heart and mind, has somehow blinded you to available options for your instinct to figure out how to escape, how to salvage yourself from the impending doom of your state of mind.

Then, a holy shriek of light shows a path. A path to the only cure for your state of mind, your emotions, your soul. To save it from destruction, to save it from being annihilated by the poison, which is thy own self.

T’was the heart of the very person that thrusted upon your own armour and straight to your heart..

The very person that penetrated your own shell, your own protection, and injected that poison, that sweet poison that feels like ecstacy, leaving you wanting for more, as it eats you alive slowly. . .

An imaginary hourglass forms up right above.
The time is ticking slowly, bits of sand drop steadily at a constant and slow rate. Is it a sign telling you how long you’ve got left, before you ‘die‘ of being consumed totally by that..poison..?

As you make haste, you find out that this particular heart is covered by a thick armour, a thick shell of its own, similar to what every human being has, only to have it uniquely defined on its own.

The true test of faith, strength, courage, trust and endurance comes into play. Though it may sound physical, it is nothing like that, as only your emotional and mental strength, endurance… and all that was mentioned above is tested thoroughly.

Countless efforts made, calculated moves and plans executed, but none succeeded. The process of penetrating through this great wall, this armour of hers, exhausting and demoralizing.

What was used to be a powerful arsenal of yours, was somehow disarmed.. Your dexterity, your sense of the world, your ability of foresight and mind-reading has left you.. It was as if you fought a war with no weapons at all.
And stupid mistakes that you would normally laugh at when others do it, begin to happen with your own hands.
To put it, imagine a great battle scene. You’ve just fired your big guns, and explosions everywhere and mostly concentrated on that ‘wall’. Just the smoke, debris and fog of war is seen for afew moments, and by that time, you’re smiling as if you’ve broken that wall.. but then, the irony of it, when the fog and smoke dissipated.. the ‘wall’ suffered only afew scratches..

Each failure affects the effort that was made afterwards…
At certain times, it was as though you’re fighting a losing battle, after what was like an eternity, still you cant even see even a glimpse of that prize, that heart which you longed to have.

But the miraculous thing about it is, even just the Thought of having that heart to love and care, spurs each and every effort made, every thrust, every attempt, however common the sight is to fail..

A thought came into mind…

Even the invincible Superman is harmed by the smallest piece of Kryptonite.. Then there Must be a way.
Struggling, yes, to find the answer to the problem.
What is it ?
What must be done?
How is it possible to penetrate through this thick padded armour, just like what happened to yourself?

It is only natural….
When in doubt, and in total confusion and having no absolute idea on what to do, what to say, what to think, there is only one logical way to find the solution we as human beings would resort to..

"Trial and error", the conventional method that has been proven since the dawn of civilization to show results, after a thorough and long process.

The question remains, by the time you find the answer,
Will there still be sand pouring down from the hourglass ?

******

I used to be the one who help others in their own ‘battles’ ..
Always thought that it was something simple to do.
And now only i realized, how stupid i was…
Well what do you know, im the one stunned on the spot, and have no absolute idea on how to handle it.

Its a famous saying, "love is like a battlefield"…
I have never known the true meaning of it before this.
The line that meant nothing to me, suddenly became everything to me,
as i am in it myself.

February didnt exactly kick off as smoothly as expected.
Dark clouds and gloomy days have been hovering over our days and everything seems to fall apart recently.
Troubled times. Troubled times indeed.

A good man, unrightfully stripped off of his pride and dignity.
A coward, starts the fire and hides behind another man’s back, pulling off cheapshots whenever the opportunity shows itself.
A batch, separated into different groups, not standing as a whole to stop the injustice.
A man, who thinks that he can handle the whole school with his methods by preventing the conventional methods of handling problems and thinks that he "knows what happens in school, seconds after it happens".
Hypocrites, all around, smiling at you, concealing the dagger which they use to stab you when you turn around.
Spies walk among us, informing him on all ongoing activities from our batch.

When will all of this end ? Put a stop to this now!

And here i am, wrongfully accused by certain people of being "The Spy" itself, backstabbed by the very own batch that i try so hard to support and help in any way i could..
With a bruised left ass-cheek, scratches and small cuts all over my legs, followed with constant muscle pains especially in the thighs, making it a hassle just to sit down, or go up the stairs..
A mild flu that clogs up my nose and throat, and that oh-so-wonderful headache that comes by now and then.
Sleep deprived and malnourished, lacking basic dietary needs.

Quite a few kryptonite bullets i took, i guess..
But i wonder how long will i last?
At the rate im going, i think i’ll be commiting suicide in a matter of months..

But amidst the problems, complications, trials and tribulations the world had to offer me, i found a part of what i’d call inner peace.
Its a new experience for me actually, to float in dizziness, drifting away in time, oblivious to the fact that it is still ticking… Everything seems to just disappear, and yeah, everything turns out great in that lapse of time..
When i just cant take it anymore, i’d drift off to that own, imaginary world of mine..

It seems foolish of me to do or experience such a thing, but, i guess it keeps me from going amok and lose my mind completely in a normal and typical day.
Its kinda funny, how our brain can act as an mp3 or music player, playing any song by memory with the exact same quality, provided that we are not distracted or anything.

Recently, its that bloody song all the time, when im drifting away..

" I cant take..my mind off of you…
I cant take…..my miindd off of you…"

-The Blower’s Daughter by Damien Rice
I dont know why, but that song just repeats itself over and over again in my head.

In the emptiness of this ‘newly created world’, a butterfly floats in the air. Hypnotized by its beauty, how God’s creation can be so delicate, so fragile, and yet at the same time, so beautiful..
How i wish i’d get a hold of the beautiful being..
And there i was.. in a dream world, running at a slow pace, chasing after this butterfly… and hesitated from time to time.
Remembering a principle that i follow,
For if i chase a butterfly, it will fly away…
And i am dumbfounded, how do i make this one land on my palms ?
Just the thought of it, just the picture of me going after this one-of-a-kind butterfly, has already ousted all forms of disappointment, unhappiness and distress out of my mind, body and soul.

And *snap* back to earth.. Ahh, the harsh reality..
Back to the place where everything goes down hard on you and its just a matter of time before the great escape to the after-life, for better or worse…

But what of this imaginary world of mine?
Maybe its a calling? Telling me something. . .
Maybe its a sign from my mind, from my emotions?
An elusive butterfly, i’ll find a way..

"Its a small world afterall…Its a small world afterall.
Its a small world afterall.. Its a small, small world.."

God, i remember that time in Disneyland Paris.. I looked at the que, and there seems to be a lot of people going for this certain ride, so, without even looking at what it is, i joined the line. Not knowing that i would be stuck for 5~10 mins in a boat, with little smiling dolls and figures all around me, sticking up and down up and down, with the same tune and line.. Its a small world afterall…
AHH! If it was for another minute, i swear i would’ve jumped out and trashed each and every puppet there!

*****

That aside, well then.. i have to admit, it IS a small world afterall. It doesnt matter whether you’re some rich ass businessman, a politician, a doctor, a janitor, a teacher, a student, or anybody for that matter, somehow, we are all connected and know each other.

Just afew hours ago, i went with the family to Aunty Munirah’s house.. Well, Aunty Munirah is one of my mum’s best friends, since highschool, pfft.. CBN’ers… Yeah, happy 45th birthday alright. The barbeque was nice actually, as so the previous ones year after year.

The fascinating thing about it is actually, everybody knows them. They know everybody. At the end of the day, its the same music teacher we go to, its the same Education Ministry Officer thing that we go to to get the kids to a certain school, its the same tuition teacher we call home.. Its just a matter of realizing the fact that we all know the same people or not.

An interesting point i found out tonight was, her 18yr old daughter, Liyana, which i seldom (by that, i mean 2 or 3 times a year) meet and, i think this is one of the first times i’ve actually engaged conversation with her. Its funny how our mind conjures up our own impressions and picture of another person’s personality by just looking at them and without knowing them.. Shes a cool girl i guess, with the same kind of mentality, thinking that size doesnt matter and ‘you can fit it all in’ !

Then at some point, she asked me, since im a Fifth Former in vi, who was my add maths teacher. I answered, oh, Cikgu Rohana..and asked her why.
She replied, "Yeah! She taught me add maths as well last time, shes a cool teacher.."
I was like, woah, okay, what a small world!
( which prompted me to write this post )

*******

It was just afew weeks ago, me and a couple of my friends, bumped into a trio of musicians at Central Market. All of them are guitarists actually, one playing supporting base, one is playing the rhythm and the other one is just doing the solo tabs and sings.
After we requested song, they happily played it with much enthusiasm and skills, even for a such a simple song with very easy chords, G, Em, C, D.
We found out that he’s a local artist just promoting his CD by playing there in the walkway at Central Market. Meor was his name.
And the next day, i told Hakym (a friend of mine) that we bumped into this cool guitarist named Meor at Central Market, and he was surprised and gave a short burst of laughter. Puzzled, i asked him whats wrong with the story… He then told me that the Meor i bumped into the other day, was his previous guitar teacher.
And again, *what a small world*!

***

Adding in another story, How come everybody comes from CBN? I have yet to figure that out. Even the Shaklee agent that introduced my mum to the company’s line of product remembered my mum’s face as her senior in school many years ago.

Just afew days ago, my physics teacher gave me a lift home since she stays nearby my place. Being myself, i started to make myself feel at home, or should i say, my car! I started opening the compartments and checking out the stuff inside.

The CDs, photos, perfume, bottle of water, whatever it is, all the junk people store in their cars.
A CD caught my attention, with big writings which was clearly from a CD marker pen, "Norhana 64" .
I slipped the disc inside the CD player..
Gah! 80s music! Eject! Eject!
I asked, why 64? She replied, because i was born on 1964..
Oh.. okay… so what school did you go to that time?
She then, proudly answered, CBN of course, Mana lagi!

After a second or two thinking, hey, my mum was born on 1962, and went to CBN as well, they must’ve known each other or something.
And i asked her, whether she knows my mum, and she was like,
"Oh yeah, i think i know her, my senior right, shes a form 5 when im a form 3 student.."
Pfft.. small world alright.

Which raises my point, you will meet again all the people at some point in your life, let it be the next day, or 30 years later, its the same people actually.. The ones who walk past you, the cendol man outside of school, the pak guard, your senior or junior in school, whoever it is..

Now, i can go on with more and more stories that will make you repeat the line *what a small world*. But im very sure that everybody have their own set of stories and versions of what happens during the day. The people that they constantly meet but taken for granted. Only to find out that they play a part in your life in a certain time, sooner or later.

****

Ahh, the LRT.. Light Railway Transit if im not mistaken.. I take this train almost everyday, going here and there, from school, to school, and yaa di daa. And its a different experience Every time. Im focusing on the Putra Line here, since thats what i use 90% of the time. Everytime i hop on the train, its a different set of faces, people of different colours, backgrounds, clothing, everything. Its kinda cool actually, to see the urban population of Malaysia summed up right infront of your eyes.

The ones listening to iPods and mp3 players, the ones casually reading a nice book, the ones who just stand or sit there oblivious to the surroundings and staring into blank space, the ones who make space or give seats to the ones who need it more, the foreigners and tourists looking at their pocket maps and wondering whether they took the right train or not, the tedious and busy men and women who carry fancy G2000 briefcases and constantly looking at their wristwatches, the rempits who ran out of motorcycle fuel, the Ah Bengs with their purple or pink billabong t-shirts (their idea of showing masculinity?) and 3/4 pants followed by the Ah Lians with their weirdly oversized tops and skimpy pants/shorts to go along with it, the typical Malay teenagers who constantly types sms’es on the phone keypad, and there are also the ones like me, just observing these people in great detail and amazement as they hop in and hop out of the train.

A thought came over me last year. Who is the person sitting right infront of me? He or she could actually be my best friend or even my arch nemesis in the future. The girl beside me could actually be my life-partner 10 years from now, the guy sitting on the left could actually be my boss in the years to come, the one who just got in could actually be the one who saves my life from a freak accident 3 years from now. You’d never know right?!!

At some point in your life, you will meet these people again.
Eventhough chances are, you would forget the person’s face 2 minutes later, but yes, you Will meet them again.
As your colleague, your spouse, your buddy, your mentor or your apprentice, whatever..
Its just whether you realize the fact that you’ve actually met these people before or not.

Once again, im entering a post which is somehow directed to the victorian readers.

A certain "Guru Cemerlang" has invaded our land, our territory, our pride and joy, our dignity, our school, Victoria Institution. Her title itself has more authority to even say "fuck you, im right, you’re wrong" to the principal and she still manages to make the principal, or any other victim for that manner, think that he/she is the winner of the situation ( provided that the fella is a blur fella or something ).
Yes, the power of manipulation of words.
You say something to her that objects to her opinions and/or ideas, she will definitely, twist it to a certain degree that somehow, You ARE wrong to the administrators point of view.
Hah, funny thing about people that always give others advices, is that they just dont want to accept any from others.

Now, changes have been made. New, fucked up rules and regulations to be followed, codes of conduct.
No -body contact- whatsoever Especially in forms of hitting, punching, slapping or others in that sense.
No sling bags ( as mentioned before ), no phones and gadgets whatsoever, no rooms for clubs/societies (yet..and if there are, they are inaccessible during school hours), no double standard between form 5 *seniors* and the others (which has been taught, brainwashed and thrusted upon us all since form 1), and the best of all, A-newly-proposed-idea for the prefects board, <which may not be the best idea to post in here>, for the sake of everybody.

If you fail to comply, and kantoi’ed for breaking the rules, caning will be done by our beloved diciplinary board teachers. Which contradicts the very first law that they have introduced recently.
They are defying their own idea, their own logic, their own way of thinking and doing things.
By specifically saying that we are not supposed to have any form of physical contact with our peers at all, whereas in the same time they are granting the license for certain teachers to whack us with canes and whatever if we did any mistakes or broke a rule.
What do you think, if you see someone who’s smoking, is lecturing a boy who is holding a cigarette in his hands, about the dangers of smoking and telling him not to do so ?

I remember Mr. Gana giving his trademarked make-you-feel-guilty speeches and lectures to me, my class and my friends. Condemning us for being hypocrites. Proclaiming his love for the school tradition and culture, holding the vi crest embroided in his own shirt, and saying that we are destroying what is left of vi. Hey dude, my respect (and most probably others too) for you has disappeared. YOU YOURSELF condemn the freaking hypocrites so much, and you, yourself are one of them. Face the facts, dumbass. Your actions, of enforcing the ‘ideas for improving the school’ which was deemed a perfect plan from our Guru Cemerlang has actually brought about the dawn of the eventual fall of victoria institution.

Wake up guys! WAKE THE FUCK UP!!
What happened to "Batch Unity" ?!
United we stand? Bersatu teguh, bercerai roboh?

Its because of our little disputes, arguments and misunderstandings that are breaking us apart. The batch is freakingly divided. I know very sure that you know what im talking about, and you can see it clearly. Dude, because of these gaps, holes and distance, foreign bodies and invaders can easily enter and create havoc.

When i think about this, it reminds me of Mahatma Gandhi. I remember doing a whole case-study about him and the independence of India for a whole season of autumn back in the UK for history class.
Unity man, unity, thats the key to the whole game.
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will" - Mahatma Gandhi

Yes, exactly. The willpower should be as hard as concrete, that cannot be shattered. To not give up, is to succeed.

He brought independence to India by rallying up the indians, and protesting with peaceful methods. The British has made many new laws and rules/regulations that cannot be complied with the indians, and through Gandhi’s methods and rallying, the whole community flocked and united, and everybody disobeyed the rules.
Now, Are the British going to arrest and execute every single man from the city, the country ? That is downright impossible.

Yes, it applies to us as well. Its the concept. THE CONCEPT.
For example : If the whole batch wears a sling bag to school, are they going to confiscate every single last one of the bags and stuff it in Semang’s office or something? If we choose not to follow the new ideas and suggestions from some random stranger to the school’s traditions and culture?
We have to stand together. Unanimous votes for a motion will never go unnoticed. Yes, to stick together is a hard thing, considering all that we have been through. From the best of friends during forms 1 and 2, and now, the worst of enemies in forms 4 and 5.
Funny how things end up.. But the cooperation is for the greater good, a purpose, to stand up and prove to them how much it meant for us to uphold the tradition.
How it turns boys to men. How the process involved in the school activities eliminate negative values of little boys, mama’s boys, and spoilt brats. Vi has the ability to do so, if it is unleashed to its full potential and trust by the seniors themselves.

From my point of view, we need a leader. I personally think that Ashraf actually has the ability to rally us up again. Unite the batch. Forge the broken bonds of brotherhood. If you’re reading this, i hope that you get the message im trying to express out.

This is a Democratic Country. A Democratic Society.
We, the people, the students actually Make the things happen here.
We, Run The Show.
We, Know whats going on.
We, Have the Right to have a Voice.
We, Have a Right to be Heard.
And WE Will Be Heard.

I plead to thee, victorians of 03-07 to stick together in these times of trouble.
And screw the fucking hypocrites that claim to the whole world that they are making the school a better place. A tough phase, yes, where some have fallen, and some still goes on..
But with cooperation, unity and the complete united strength of the batch, im sure we’ll make it through.
This.. reminds me of the fitting motto on this year’s FC T-shirt.
"Faint not, Fight on"

Well then, i hope that you do the same too..
My fellow victorians.

Its been awhile since i last posted, and that Taiwan underwater earthquake thing, ruined my mood to blog about 2006.

Ah, now then, the first day of school.
Woah man, the air smelled so different as i filled up my lungs, inhaling the fresh, morning air. The sun was right there, on the nice spot, shining its rays at the right angle, with clouds to cover some of em, and breezes of air went past my hair, as i take a damn good look of my school.

Form 5. I never thought that i would actually reach here, to be regarded as a senior. To actually Stand here, right in the moment there, with other boys looking up towards you, with that degree of respect mixed with a hint of fear in their hearts.
It seemed like it will take forever back then, to be standing here as a Form 5. A big-enough title for the victorians, that has enough authority to make boys younger than you submit to your every bidding.
We own the school now. I thought..

No more ‘boy, you..’ or ‘you, come here, and do this..’ .
No more prefects yelling with volumes of more than 100 decibels right at your face, killing off your sense of hearing on the spot.
No more..

Then, something caught my eye…
Woah, look at them.. The freshmen.. form 1 boys.. I remember when I was one of them.
"wow.. what a big place.."  are one of the first thoughts conjured up in my head 4 years ago.
So innocent, so pure, untouched, untainted by the cultures and traditions in our "prestigious" school..
Hahaha! Look at them, running around, playing tag, jumping over and crossing the blue railings along the roads at the school grounds..
Man, after the orientation, i would love to see who, among these boys would dare to cross the railing later on..

Ah, moving on, Form 5 lines, it was so freakingly awkward. I was not alone. All of us were in a state of shock, we didnt know how to react or what to do. It was as if you attended your first ever funeral of someone you care so much, you didnt cry, you didnt feel any regret or sorrow, you’re just , there, emotionless and thoughtless.
It went on surprisingly smooth and with no problems or hassle, and by that, i mean 1/2 of the whole batch was pulled out to the back.

And my instincts were proven right again, the late-night-last-minute attempt to dye my hair black again was worth it. Raids have been conducted by our most ‘beloved’ teacher, Mr. Othman or popularly known as Semang, Gana and Sam. Haircuts were everywhere! There would always be remnants of hair along the corridors of the Form 5 block. Guaranteed.
A normal sight, just another "first day of school" for us victorians, i guess..

However, while some things remain the same for the past 5 years,
there were changes made as well. And sadly, it just had to be MY batch.

Here we got, the prefects board. Oh, the best out of them all, the 30+ students who have authority and power even more than teachers themselves. The ones that control the school, that uphold the school values and ethics.. and you get the picture..
Ahh… I remember when i was a Form 1 lad, there were only around 15 prefects, and might i say, they were one of the best ones ever. I would remember their faces and names, the ones that gave me detention classes, yelled at me, made me do push-ups.. and even 1 prefect at the time is enough to handle our lines.
But even the most prestigious board succumbs to the problems we encounter in this era.
Now, the number of prefects are twice more than it was 4 years ago.
Got a fella who just entered the school for less then 4 months got into the board, fellas with family ties and money, fellas who hisap’ed (suck up) the right teacher at the right time, fellas who went for late interviews and should’ve been disqualified,  and others…
What was used to be a very controlled intake and the process of selection that was known throughout the years to be the toughest..
Pfft.. I guess you cant have ‘em all eh . . .

The intake of new teachers have certainly made alotta changes here in VI. What do you get when you get some random teacher from some other random school, and try to make them live in the VI culture. What would happen? Clashes of course! We think differently than they do.
"Oh, back in <insert previous school name here> i used to do it like this.."
Pfft.. we dont give a damn on how you did things over there.
The ones who are unable to adapt to our way of living, have usually made appeals, complaints and motions to change the things over here.
And now, whats happening?
Sling bags are not allowed, too stylish.
Certain school shoes are not allowed (like mine), yes, too stylish.
And they’ve violated one of the golden rule out of them all, banning mobile phones.
Hahahah! Lets see you make that happen. PIBG, load your guns and prepare extra ammo, we’d need those in the next general meeting.

Form 1 orientation sessions. Whats happening? Teachers and parents are allowed in and around the hall ? I dont remember that happening 4 years ago. It was just the prefects yelling, and us, being petrified and obeying every command. But , now ? Being watched and every move observed, what’s happening? The teachers have lost trust in the students abilities to handle things. We cant do the things properly, is it ?

And lastly, one of the drastic changes of all.
The ones who would always encourage us to fly lines, the ones that were in a pact against the prefects, that try to go against everything they say.
The boys that were once green.
These people are now, asking US to go for lines.
Gus, if you’re reading this, well, your blog post, meant alot.

And of course, there are many more yet to come.
Man cannot deny change, for it is inevitable.

What do you think? Has anything changed in your school?
If so, What is it then ?

One of the most disturbing thoughts that my conscience have been haunting me, is the countless times that i’ve pau-ed people throughout the year.
While many victorians dont mind about the pau-ing business, it has been bugging my mind ever since i found out that a certain someone was actually very pissed off about it and kept it all in, without me knowing.

In Victoria Inst, one of the things that have been implemented in our way of thinking is that "sharing is caring". I, however, have taken this concept of sharing abit too far.
For the sake of getting a new phone, i have saved up all my pocket-money, and fed my hunger by pau-ing my friends, almost everyday.
Gustave, for the carrots and salad.
Aiman, for all the nice stuff your mum cooks.
Nazrin, for the sandwiches and money.
Hakym, for the many Ringgits spent to buy me food and drinks.
And the Nasi Lemak consumers, thanks for giving me some!
And sorry if i havent mentioned any other names in specific, because it’ll just take forever.

I really am grateful for all the food and help that i received, whether it was voluntarily offered or not, which were very very good, i’d say.. i am sorry for doing so, and i promise i’ll try my best not to do it again.

Concentrate on the moment. Feel, dont think. Trust your instincts.

The most memorable quote for the week dramatically said by Liam Neeson or Qui-Gon Jinn in Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace which was shown on StarMovies for the Star Wars marathon running for 6 weeks. Yes, i am a die-hard fan of good art, so sue me.
The line was meaningful enough that it sparked inspiration for me to post on another entry. <It seems that i have to rely on sparks of inspiration which seldom happens to post an entry here>

As we all know it, we have only one meagre life, and we have the benefit of having it very short and brief. Snap your fingers afew times, and HEY, Its 2007 next month! And i just thought that i was just warming up to 2006.

"Lost, yesterday, somewhere between Sunrise and Sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes. No reward is offered, for they are gone forever."
Horace Mann - Early American Educationist.

True, they are gone forever. Many could have been done in just 2 minutes, let alone 2 hours.
Hey , in my case, not ‘lost two golden hours’ but more like 2 golden Months of accumulated time wasted throughout the year.
But what is it that makes this man value time so greatly, and we (i know that im not alone here!) dont?

One of the best movies i’ve watched this year was Click. However surprising it may be, that Adam Sandler actually played a damn good role and character in this movie, the message of the movie was clear.
We run and chase after the rainbow for the pot of gold. But at the end of the day, it’s just cornflakes.
The movie, in a way teaches us not to "fast-forward" our lives. Which is infact, we are doing almost every moment of it. Those bickerings and arguements, the troubles, crisis and break-downs. Everything.

I guess my thoughts are majorly affected by the media. My favourite advert of the year, is the KFC one. The one that shows during the first 15mins of every movie. With that catchy tune, budum, budum, budum budum.. budum budum budum budum.. bu-dummmm…
Priceless snapshots of different scenes of different people in different situations.
*snap* precious moments - when the little girl was running with her dad to find shelter when rain just poured down on their little picnic.
*snap* tender moments - when the wife was feeding her baby, and the husband was smiling and having a good time being with his wife and kid.
to describe afew of them in the advert, Damn the photographers just know when was the best ever moment to take the snapshot. I salute thee.

Is there a point to this? Uh.. Oh yeah. The moments in life, they are everywhere, happens everyday and at any point of your life. I mean, yeah, i feel it all the time, and do my very best to cherish it, to live it.

Lets say, rugby for example, recently ive had a match against a Singaporean team at the VI field. Yeap. Kiasu, Singaporeans, i think its a synonym or, those words are just simply related. The Singaporeans brought their own referee from the same school. And, you’ve guessed it. Yes, ladies and gentleman, the referee was SO fair, that the singaporeans have a fucking free penalty kick every time they did a mistake.
My coach has always said that he is not teaching us (the players) rugby, instead, he is teaching us about life itself in his own way. I’d go more on this some day, later on, when the time or inspiration comes. But, i swear, what he tought us, or more in particular, me, is the countless formulae that should be applied in real life, as it was applied in rugby. And one of them, is most definitely another version of the quote i stated in the first line.

As i was playing and defending at the time being, there were 2 people charging on towards me, and one of them was holding the ball. Since i was the winger, im the last man. If i let them go, thats it, they’ll score. And so, the magic happens. The right second before i was about to get into contact with the person holding the ball, time stopped.
I could see the two boys right infront of me, and i know, i just KNOW that , if i tackle the fella with the ball, he will pass it to the other extra man, and he will make the score untouched. Then on, i just followed my instincts at that moment , right at the second before i tackle, to grab the one with the ball, on his upper torso, and thus, holding on to the ball itself. Yes, by doing so, i would not have make the boy fall down and eat dirt, but, he wasnt able to pass the ball, and his mind process was stuck, jammed there.. he thought and programmed himself to pass the ball at the moment of impact, but, the ball was stuck and he somehow just, dropped the ball.

After the first half, the coach told me to sit down, and let another fella take my position. Yeah, one of the form 2s i think, which i believe is a damn good method. Gain the experience hands on, even if you dont know what to do, just get yourself in the game, and instincts will guide you through. Even the coach commended on what i did, not taking the man down, but stopping his process from working, and prevented him from passing. "I saw what you did tadi. Smart play. Bagus, main guna otak." he said.
Yeah, after the few minutes of self-glory and pride, i thought to myself, and re-lived back the moment. If i actually paused and thought on who to tackle, who to tackle where and when….. they would certainly have made it past me and scored. And, yeah, by concentrating on the moment, time stopped, and it felt right for me to tackle the fella the way i described it. And, it worked.

But other than that, im sure there are many other examples of encounters such as this.
To feel the moment, and not to think. Improvisation acting is one of them. It wont work if you think too much, just, do what you do best, and follow your instincts. I am bloody well sure that you have encountered a lot of moments in your life, when time just stops, and you’re actually cherishing the moment itself. The very few seconds that seemed like hours, the magic of it.

As i recall a certain December 11th, ice-skating with a lass that i just knew for a few days. It was all improv, yes, trusting my instincts on what to do, and not to think too much. The time i had on the ice-rink was superb. I could still re-live it again. The very few seconds of me, wobbling around trying to establish balance, and looking at her, just dancing away on ice as if she was born to do it. As she held me close, and guided me into what seemed to be, floating on air.. i was drifting away in my thoughts and trying to store every single second of it in my memory, the sight of a certain person made me panic and the dream-world vanished.
I was thinking OH SHIT! OF ALL PEOPLE.. WHY??! And WHY NOW?!
It was my mum. Oh, thank you God, for rocking my world like this. You have given me one of the best gifts ever that i could have asked for, which was just a day where i get to venture into the realms of the unknown, and You gave me my mother as well.
She was holding a camera and taking pictures of me and the lass skating together. I was flabbergasted, i almost tripped, and i went to her, screaming, WHY ARE YOU HERE ?!
‘Oh, i was just.. uhh, going.. uhh, shopping’ she said…
‘Yeah RIGHT… now just, please, dont screw things up for me and just, be-gone’ i said.

If telling her that i was going to Queensway just to let her know that i’ll be safe, meant that she’ll secretly stalk me and check out what i was doing at the time, i would have never told her anything. I have certainly learnt my lesson. Yes Indeed.
I vaguely remember, she has always made bets with her best-friends-forever-since-school on their sons. How they would brag about their son’s achievements and whatnot. Ahh, i knew it. Later on, she must have e-mailed it to her best friends or something. "ooh, my son already went on with girls and see, ice skating summore, what about yours.. huhh??!" Well, what can i say, she’s my mum after all….
But yet again, i was never angry about that incident or disappointed in my mum for doing so. Even the lass said that ‘ah, its just your mum, shows that she cares anywho’ .
Now thats looking at the glass half full! Just the way i like it. However embarassing, funny, or surprising the moment was.

Its the spice of life. Nothing will ever go perfectly as planned. There are always those moments where you just want to get out and escape, and yet again, later on in life, after you’ve went past that stage, you are actually thankful that you went through it.
If i was to be asked :
"If you could change one event in your life, which one would it be?"
I would gladly answer : No. I refuse to make any changes. Because of these events, the ups and downs made me the way i am today.

The moments that we go through in life. I’d say ive cherished them all, from bad ones that make you feel like dying or killing somebody, and the great ones that make you feel colourful, the jazz of life, and makes you feel alive even after you’ve been shot 5 times.

And, there are always the times where you just, slack off, and waste away the time, and your life. Sleeping until past noon, once you wake up, hey, half the day has gone by. Sitting down, being all emo and just depressed, hey, i know the feeling, we’ve all went through it at least once, but, how does that help you with anything? Feeling sorry for yourselves… A lot can be done in just two minutes, and i’d rather not sit down and frown upon the missed opportunities, the unfortunate events, and whatever. Like, now for example, the school holidays… What have you been doing with your current free time ? What things have you done recently thats worth mentioning ? If you have actually accomplished something, can you re-live the moment and re-tell the story just like it was ?

They say that just before you die, time stops and your whole life goes past you. Hey, that could be any day, and if you havent been saving up those memories and living up your life to the fullest, it will be a quick death of you.

These moments will come and go, everyday of your life. Just sit back, concentrate on the moment, and follow your instincts, just dont think too much. And the world will go along with you.

Have you ever felt it, when time stops and you can feel the whole moment living inside of you?

Weellll then, its been awhile since i last entered a post. I was actually away, on a holiday <hey that rhymes!>.

Everything was screwing up. The Genting Highland plan was somehow still a blur and already facing a certain cancellation, my laptop’s monitor somehow ’shattered’ from the inside and now im forced to use an lcd monitor meant for a desktop pc, im broke with the RM1k++ stash meant for the holidays used up for my new phone, the unexpected appearance of rugby training sessions and matches somewhat in the near future thus ruining plans, and thinking up of a way to go to the coming party without really discredit myself in the eyes of my parents.

Ahhh! Its driving me nuts! And i didnt even get to watch that movie, Cinta yet. It was supposed to be the must-see Malaysian movie of the year. Lack of time? Or was it lack of a companion? Most certainly, i Will Not watch it with my male comrades, it’ll just be awkward. . .

My mum and her surprise trips. Soon after i’ve got my Brand Spanking New SonyEricsson w850i Walkman Phone , she told me her plans for the week. It was quite a surprise and a pleasant one too. One good news after another =)
And Yeah! My phone has joined my ‘lucky’ collection. It was actually the LAST one in stock for KL.
(Original, of course, i dont do these pirated, ciplak’ed and AP ones)
Now, ive got my lucky t-shirt (the red timberland one), my lucky shoes ( red puma’s ), lucky bracelet <but i lost it..oh well, pass on the luck eh>, and now, lucky phone ! Now i know wheres the source of it all =P

Okay, back to the trip. Me, Opah and Family went to Cameron Highlands on the 5th, which was tuesday. Arrived there, and woah, the air smelled different, i find it strange and awkward, but at the same time, im liking it. The air smelled fresher and pure Something that you wont get in KL!
Moving on, the next morning, we went to see the tea plantations , view and do some shopping. As you can see in my main picture, i was sitting down there, enjoying the view, after munching up a
DAMN nice brownies and ice-cream treat. It was one of the best brownies ive had ever. Honestly.

While looking at the view, it was as if, time stopped. And in those moments where i phased out into the state where 1 second is like, 1 hour for me. And, being the typical me, i was thinking too much and in detail too… Some of the things that i do, unconciously.
I was supposed to think about Nothing. But instead, i was thinking about the near future, and waaay in the distant future.

• My new year’s resolution.
• How am going to cope and what am i going to do next year.
• Music classes , tuition classes, KPJ to handle, social life to be intact and/or improving, SPM, the scholarships, The March, June And Trial papers, which i was just tipped off by a well-connected teacher that companies and organizations have already been eye’ing me to hand out the scholarships based on my results.
• My Current life.
  How was it? I find it great, but simply not enough.
  How to overcome it? I have yet to find the answer.
  Companionship..Do i need it, or want it?
  Friends, what happened to them?

And to stuff waaay distant in the future..

• Jobs - Doctor ? Cosmetic / Esthetic field ? Or to succeed my mum’s path as a Gynaecologist?
  Or, pursue another career that havent crossed my mind yet?
  My interest is in people. And only people fascinates me.
  Psychology ? Psychiatry ? Public Relations oriented ?
• Marriage, spouse, life-partner.
  It was already set in my mind that im going to break the family traditions and pattern. Pioneering the new generation.
  Mix-marriages are never wrong eh… Yeah, it is settled then.
• Kids. The more i think about them, the more of them i want.
  Hah, and force them to go to music classes since the age of 6.
  Mold the clay when its still soft! 1 drummer, 1 guitarist, 1 vocalist.. Hahahaha, get my own band. The Amirul 5 or something

bleeh, whatever. The rants, thoughts of a one-of-a-kind guy.
And all of that was just thought up in a few seconds which felt like hours. The magical wonders of Mother Nature? Who knows.
I guess thats why Han "Tapir" Leong loves nature so much. Hahaha

We actually stayed at Cameron for a couple of days, and the rest were spent in Penang.
A short summary of it will go :
Penang = Bloody Hot.
The previous month of applying skin-recovery and whitening lotion (vain? no. its more like, i love myself) will go to waste if i swam in the sea, or the swimming pool under the hot fireball..

Seafood, Nasi Kandar and Pasembur. The trademark foods of Penang.
Im not a fan of Nasi Kandar and Pasembur at All! Literally. So, i just watched my family ate, while i would just, puasa or something. And, not forgetting the Pasar Malam they have here, every night along the roads of the main tourist spots. Man, i have to say, KL, get lost. You lose in this battle.

RM4 per DVD and Album CDs. Now thats cheap. For the albums, man, 4 bucks is waay worth the money, considering the time it takes to download the album through the net one way or another.
It was a shopping spree. In the field of DVDs, all i have to do is cucuk my dad, and, 1 by 1 by 1 by 1 the discs were added in.
As for quality, music is just like the original. And for the DVDs, hey, what do you expect? 4bucks. You get some recorded ones, and some proper DVD 9s.
Since the best place to get them 100% original quality DVD9s for RM12 at Bukit Bintang or Low Yat Plaza was raided too often, i have to get them DVD’s some other way…

Oh well, it was a nice holiday. Nothing too posh or fancy.
Just nice, just the way i like it to be.
I’ve managed to unwind from it all, escape from it all and just, have time ( which was actually afew seconds ) in the right atmosphere to.. think.

Now i know the feeling when businessmen or working people escape from the city for afew days and just did nothing and gazed into space with the right atmosphere. Liberating, yes.
How bout you? Where did you go for the holidays ?

Once again, thanks for all the comments. Might i say, most of em are flattering. These comments are what spurring me on to type more, so, keep them coming! Hahahaha

We’ve all done it. One way or another.
Spreading our own thoughts, our ideas, intentions and desire and thrusting it upon others to accept it and see things your way.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, im talking about influence. The simple thing, that you do everyday that we all have taken for granted.

Just how powerful this ability is ? Just enough to handle your everyday lives ? Just enough to ease things a little bit ? Just enough to topple or cause a war, to start a protest, to make important decisions ?
Heck, i have to say, Influence plays a major part in everything. And so, answers the question, It Is Very Very Powerful, given that its been made to use properly with the right hands.

I have read this book, Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. It tells us all about the split-second decisions and actions taken by us, speech drawn out of us, thoughts expressed out by us. But, what makes them, them ? What actually drives us to do things, to speak of certain things, to think differently? Yes, its influence.

And apparently, influence comes from our surroundings. Our family, Friends, aquaintances, neighbours, whatever. Even the media, the songs we listen to, the content on tv, the movies that we watch, whatever still. Everything around us.
Without them, you would’nt be who you are today. And most probably, you wont even be reading my blog now eh ?

Just today, I took the lrt to wangsa maju, to play futsal with some of my friends.
( well, what else Can you do for now ? broke, bored and jobless. )
And while i was on the train, i see this group of Malays. Ah, sad…
I am proud to say that im a malay, and not just any malay, but Me. And i was always proud of my friends, my circle of friends, however small it may be, but they’re the best of the best. Natural selection? I do not know. Maybe someday i’ll look into that.

Back to the boys i ran into.. A group of around 5. Everybody was wearing similar clothes and the same hair-do. I believe its called the Mohawk hairstyle. One of the fella, was a small kid. I think, its a form 1 boy. Dressing up just the same, with the punk-rock t-shirt, 3/4 pants and bright white shoes. I somehow, dont find the attraction of it, i wonder what do these people see in those type of clothing and hairstyles. Anywhos, the little boy. Was talking just like them, acted just like them, dressed, behaved and thought just like them.

I was wondering, how was i when i was a weee lad, that form 1 boy, heavily gelled hair and combed to the sides, ah Yes, i remember. My studies used to be damn good, average of high 90s. And what became of me now? Hah! I dont know what went wrong. So, why was the little me, different from the little boy that i saw there ?

It was the influence from his peers and situation of course. The people that boy Have To hang out with and see everyday. The school that they go to, the neighbourhood. Its saddening, im seeing the Malays becoming this way, the typical ones.
Rempits, Punks, Goths, whatever it is the so-called trend and "culture" nowadays.
Luckily i was brought up good with loving parents and all my needs and *some* of my wants fulfilled. But yet again, they too have the same background and upbringing. Loving parents, fulfilled needs and wants.
It was one of Newton’s Law. A will always be A, B will always be B.
However, i object to this law. Science can be, and Has been proven wrong at times. I believe with the right person, situation, place, time and influence, a person can always be changed.

Now, in what forms influence can be, when we’re using them ?
I seem to notice afew. Charisma and Charm. One of my friends that have actually used influence to his advantage and use is Adam. I know him very well for doing so intentionally. And, results have shown from time to time, it has worked greatly, from big things like getting sponsors to fund his activities , to the small ones like getting free extra chocolate topping for the Mcdonalds Sundae.

By simply talking, complimenting, asking and negotiating, in that order, or any order infact, we can actually achieve more than what we paid for. And it is like a blade, or a knife. The more you use it and sharpen it, the better it gets. But, as you leave it alone, it gets blunt over time.
Maybe, some people are just born to talk and having good PR skills. Salesmen make use of their skills of influencing everyday. Trying to get the person to buy his or her product, to make the person join his or her sales group and even sell the product to others out of the person’s own will.
You can see dozens more if you actually looked closely. Blergh, crapping myself now, talking about all these things. Maybe the passion is not there, the mood is not there or something.

Currently, ive HAD IT with my current handphone. The spare phone, apparently. A simple, Nokia 8310, or the ‘butterfly’ phone. Ive been using spare phones since February, where my precious 6230i was unrightfully stolen during the Rugby MSSKL. Now, i have made my choice, a SonyEricsson W850i (walkman phone).
It costs about 1.8k , but, after a year of fasting and pau-ing friends, saving up money, i think its time already.

Well, i cant say that im from a rich family, so, 1.8k is a lotta money, especially to be spent on a mobile phone. So, how am i going to pull it off? I only managed to save up to roughly 1k. The other 1k, must come from my parents, or mum.
Ahh!! How? How am i going to pull this off?
Well, i have hinted the idea of a new phone numerous times, and Yes! She got it. And she was asking what was it that i wanted. After showing the phone, Ah, yes yes, good good good.. then, What?! 1.8k ?! You must be joking, and its not even a PDA or whatever.
Discouraged, i went to my room, thought of the blog post and, just, slept, forgetting to type it. And now, here i am, typing this *backup* post.

Little that i know, at the workplace, at the hospital, a different situation was happening around my mum. Her phone rang, when she was in the middle of a briefing session with her MOs (Medical Officers). *Ring* *Ring* , she takes out her Nokia 6600, or better known as the ’sabun’ phone.. Everybody giggled.
After the phonecall, my mum asked everybody, Whats so funny ?
‘No lah, doctor, ur phone la, aisey, outdated laa, we all using Dopod and PDAs now. . .’ said one of the MOs.
My mum then, laughed, along with the other MOs, while secretly thinking
‘These no good MOs! Under me, but using a better phone, now showing off eh.. Dont worry, Ini hari, hari engkau.’

And later on, today, after my "step 2" of the process of getting a new phone, by nagging and constantly complaining about my current spare-phone not working and malfunctioning and all. . .  She suddenly said
You know what, this weekend, im gonna buy phones for everybody.
So, i thought, Mannn Im Goood…… :P  But i asked her why, and she told me the story, and said
‘ Oh, siap la nanti, the MOs. Abang, you call me in the morning next monday, and i’ll hear the new ringtone, and wont answer, then say "Oh, i forgot, its my new ringtone, on my New PDA phone."  ‘

Woah, when she said that, i totally realised, im Exactly like my mum.
Planning ahead, and, already started picturing the actual scene and moment in the future, and the dialog. What others are going to ask, and what will i answer.
And, having that subtle laughter and sinister look, right before snapping back to reality.

And, hey, settled. Case closed. SonyEricsson W850i, just wait for me!

And, another perfect example of the power of influence. Little as you know, the jokes that you come up with, the things that you say, affects the next person as it is. No matter how small, big, short or long the thing is, the joke is, the line or the saying is.
And now, thanks to the power of influence, and particularly the MOs of Hospital Selayang, specifically under the Obstetric and Gynaecology field and Under My Mum, im getting a new phone! Hallelujah! Yes, its the Hallelujah effect, from what ive picked up on Gustave’s Blog.

Yeap. That would be all for now i guess. Influence is a topic that is too big and subjective for me to talk about or summarize in 1 short ( or considerably long ) blog post. Many forms, shapes and sizes. From many sources of people, places and expressions.

I believe that Influence is Power, and have utilized it myself. How about you?