100% Amirul

Im in the middle of SPM, and i am STILL blogging!! Damn!
What am i thinking?!

Well, i’ve gone through the first half of SPM, the first week, that is.
And, the best part is, they keep all the easy papers in the first week, and cram in all the hard ones in the next one.

An overview of the papers that i went through so far.
2007 has some of the paling bangang papers and questions, but at the same time, have some of the easiest questions ever asked.

I Now strongly disagree with ‘spotted‘ questions or should i say, ’soalan bocor // ramalan’.
None of them came out! Argh, screw you all!!
But i have to hand it to Kasturi, Daiva’s notes were something alright!

Anywho, im currently preparing myself to brace the impending onslaught of agama-add maths-physics-chemistry  next week.
And im doing whatever it takes to eliminate or reduce any forms of stress, pressure and distress.
Now, on to the off-SPM topic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All this time, i have been the ‘motivator’ in any group of people.
Concepts and sayings based on the ‘nothing’s impossible’ issue keeps on being repeated.
I have brought back hope and reasons to cling on to many.

But now, I need some motivation and a reason to keep believing.
I can’t keep on telling myself the things that I say to other people.
It just doesnt work.

Im more of a ‘the bigger picture’ guy.
And what I need most right now, is
not another insight of ‘the bigger picture’.
Because recently, its the minute details that are bothering my mind.
Its like, arsenic. A poison taken in very very small doses, that accumulates in the body, and kills you slowly from the inside.

If its every other problem, I would always have Adam and my other friends to back me up or voice out their opinions.
I have somehow grown a sense of dependency to my friends.
I know that i can do anything on my own, but it is always better with them.

In fact, i have a part of that in my character.
I must always associate myself with another person, or others.
Because I’d rot away if i’m alone.

This is one of the main reasons why i took drums as my main musical instrument i guess.
Its funny how the choice of musical instruments can also reflect on your character.

The drums. Sure, it sounds good when you play alone, but its waay better when played along with other instruments as well.
Without the beat, the others would stray off in tempo and generally the harmony in the music.
Beat slows down, music slows down, and vice versa.
Percussions and the general harmonics add vibrance and life to the music.
The beats are somewhat universal and can adapt to any genre.

To play the instrument itself, requires concentration and coordination.
To utilize all of your four limbs, to move at different paces and strength.
To synchronize every movements and actions to produce balance and harmony.
Just about anyone can be the guitarist;
but not everyone can be the drummer.

Similar, no?

And now, with the dilemma disturbing my mind now,
I have to face this one alone, as nobody else can help me i guess.
And when this happens, you could see my own self deteriorating by the day.
With the endless questions in my mind and none of them were answered.

Im a ‘traveller, and now im about to
venture into a new place.
With hopes that i could find happiness and peace here.
But i am doing something different this time, im walking straight into the front door.

I have broken almost all of the rules,
and im risking failure by the minute.
I dont know what got into me, to do such things,
The very things i have told myself and others not to do.

I guess, as time passes, I am getting rid of my old habits.
Which feels so liberating actually.
To be straightforward, honest, and just, let your heart out.
Saying whatever you feel inside.

And to be honest, now i dont even know,
whether im welcomed or not.

Whether it was just an illusion.
Whether it was just my mind playing tricks on me.
Whether it was just me, thinking too much.

~~
I know that my mind is distressed or thinking too much,
When i keep on biting my fingers and my drinking straws.
When i keep on daydreaming, thinking and
pondering over in the train,
to the point that i’d miss my stop..

When i keep on listening to the same song over and over again.
Damnit, even the song i keep on listening to is a question itself..!
Its funny how some songs, have lyrics that expresses out exactly what you feel.
~~

Its that helpless-ness feeling again.
When one of the most important things happening
in your life suddenly,went past you.
and you cant do anything about it,
but to watch and hope a miracle happens.

By telling myself that its possible,
By giving myself false hope and thoughts to cling on to,
To stay on the path, the right path i hope.
Will my preserverance and willpower be enough to get me through?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 14th, 2007 at 8:10 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.