100% Amirul

I have to admit.
Its finally over!

Hmm.. I’ll post on the SPM thing some other time..

To celebrate later that night, i actually went to Dolah’s place, and watched tv there. Lame, so sue me.
Then, we proceded with a few rounds of pool.
I have to say, though his skills are miles away better, im catching up!!

Not bad lah, from kalah teruk to kalah nasib.
Quite a big difference

Before you know it, is already 2am or so..
Enough with this pool thing lah..!

We thought of racing and drifting, or should i say, joyriding,
on the streets of Setiawangsa again,
But, nahh… malas lah.
We’ve done that afew times during the SPM period already.

Its like, so cool, at 3am, there are no cars in sight.
So, the road is ours.
My Gen2 and his Jazz, okay lah, it was quite chun la.
I have to say, my driving skills are, not bad lah, quite chun la,
considering i dont even have my license yet!

But not tonight lah.
So, after half an hour of cruising around,
pusing-pusing aimlessly here and there
around Wangsa Maju & Setiawangsa,
(with the occasional 140km/h drags),
we decided to call it a day lah..

In front of his house, yeah.. It was a nice spot actually.
Since its way up there on Bukit Setiawangsa..
Away from the busy streets and cars and whatever.
So, its like, nice, just sitting on top of the car,
under the stars and skies of Setiawangsa
To, just finish it all off.

~~~~

I have to admit, i grew fond of his family.
The mum, the sisters, the aunty.
I mean, i dont get to spend time with my family as much
as with them.
To just, sit down and having a nice hot cup of tea.
When the sister or mum of his would just ask,
"so, whats up?" , "apa citer?" or whatever it is without the
awkwardness in between conversations.

According to Dolah’s mum, my character, preference and actions
resembled Dolah’s late father, who passed away earlier this year due to cancer.
There was this one time I had a chat with her,
and she kept on telling me that
my presence makes a big difference in the whole family,
its like, i was filling up the empty gap.
It was like, she told me that
I was showing the outside world to her son again.

I dont know really. Once she told me this, i was like,
Is this my purpose? My calling?
To guide people in finding themselves..?
To show them the path to their hopes and aspirations..?

~~~~~~~

Anyways, on top of the car, we talked about whats going to happen,
Since everything is already over.
The war was over, we got our Merdeka already..!
Now what?

He brought up the topic of Girls.
Yeah, its a big issue to talk about alright.

And the main question is simple,
"What did I do wrong? Why cant I…?"

You just cant blame him.
He’s got everything. But no one to share it with.
Even I, myself am asking the same question.

Maybe its just the desperation talking.
But it is what we feel, maybe what a lot more guys feel as well.
The ones who actually paid attention to these small details,
The ones who built up enough character and well being.

"Dont judge a book by its cover"

But we’ve even improved our ‘covers’.
What more is there to be done?!
Its weird, somehow we feel like theres a
Big checklist of criterias and specifications needed to be
"Sirim Approved" or something…

At the end of the day, we only seek
companionship, appreciation and attention.
Yes, damnit, the craving for attention is so large.
It is so frustrating actually,to be the only party or side,
who gives a damn about everything.

~~~~~~~~~
He asked me, whether i got that ‘attention’ or not,
for the whole of 2007.

According to him, its
That attention where, like, where guys would go
"psst.. 3 o clock. what do you think? . . . ."
And girls would go, i dont know,
"hey, what do you think of ……. over there? . .  "

I replied, ‘maybe I have’.
It may sound weird or something, but i actually prayed to God,
hoping that miracles would happen, maybe i could at least,
feel what its like to be ‘looked at’ or something, at least once.

I told him lah…

It was a certain Sunday, i attended this..
Seminar of some sort. Yeah, SPM.
You’d do anything to eliminate your worries.
Anyways, i dont know, call it syok sendiri, or perasan, or whatever.
But i thought that this one girl was actually looking at me.
(Or at least, towards my direction, that is)

I mean, like, woah, with the other good-looking friends of mine
on each side..
Who am i with the oily and acne-ridden face,
scruffed up, messy and curly hair, and a slightly oversized FC Tshirt?

For once, i felt like a million dollars.
Though it was purely based on my assumptions and ‘perasan-ness’..
But it felt amazing.
The past two months of endless shit and disasters, somewhat,
disappeared from my memory.
I am not such a hopeless case after all.

After much thinking, i had to step out of my comfort zone.
I did what i have never attempted before actually..
Approaching a stranger, to just say that the person is beautiful.
With her friend(s) staring at me while i struggle to form sentences..
I remember that ‘knee-weakening’ and balls-shaking feeling.

And somewhat, i forgot the part where i was supposed to say
"i’d love to get to know you more".

That time, it was just pure balls, and nothing else.
Gosh i remember every second of it.
Its as though time stops, when you are at your weakest moment.
When i left, i cant help but to overhear her friend saying something like
"see, i told you!…"  or something like that.
I felt accomplished. Grateful. Happy. Appreciated.

My friends actually congratulated me for, yeah, my ‘approach’.
To take the plunge and hope for the best.
But when Desh asked me,
"so, how are you going to contact her later?"
I felt like the biggest idiot.
I was so furious at myself, i punched the grainy, stone wall, so hard,
till my knuckles bleed.
By then, it was too late already.

~~~~~~~~

After telling him my short story,
He was like,
"dramatic lah your story.. at least you felt it once.
Doesnt matter whether it was only your assumptions or whatever"
Hahaha.. fancy that..
What i’d give, to feel it again.

Okay lah, whatever.. its freaking 4 in the morning.
Im tired. Until next time then.

This entry was posted on Monday, November 26th, 2007 at 1:19 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.